This is one of those life seasons that refuses to settle. As I look outward, Alberta has given us a strange in-between this year, too. Winter has never fully committed; we've had warm days that felt like promises, then snow returning just as the crocuses pushed through. Spring keeps arriving and retreating. I recognize that rhythm now. It also lives within my body.

My occupational therapist said something I wasn't prepared for: "You need to meet your body where it's at, not compare it to your past." I had given those same words to my own students countless times. Somehow I had never applied them to myself. That's the thing about the lessons we most need, they have a way of finding us when we're finally ready to hear them.

Nobody tells you that you can mourn a life you're still living. This is an honest look at the grief that lives inside chronic illness, and why feeling it fully is the first step toward carrying it gracefully.